It's Been A While...
I've been going to Martial arts more consistently now. I feel good about that. I love learning new techniques and I feel that I'm slowly getting better. I know that I'm blocking more as well. I feel that I need to learn how to throw punches quicker and better. Also, I think I need to practice reading people on their movements. I'm sure all of this will come with time.
I'm also working out more consistently. I want to lose some weight since I weigh about 180. Back home, I believe I'm the lightest person in my group. Everyone is over 200 pounds and I don't want to see myself like that. I'm very determined to become fit and living a healthier lifestyle. Next semester, I plan to cook more often and by doing this I hope that my diet will become much better. I'm also very determined to lose weight and become fitter because I'll be travelling to Puerto Rico in May. I want to look good when I go down there so that I can have as much fun as I possibly can. I have to say, I'm extremely excited for this trip because it will be my first real vacation since '07. I also want to start travelling more. At least once a year, I'd like to go somewhere. It could be somewhere in the US or (preferably) to another country. I know that everyone doesn't have a lot of money but I see people our age, people that I know, that travel to Las Vegas, the Caribbean and other places. I want my group to be able to do this as well.
What else?
I dealt with a situation the other day dealing with m virginity. It was on Friday and I was made fun of by some people I was with. Now, when people make fun of me I usually can get over it fairly quickly or I'll say something back which makes the feeling go away immediately. This time, I couldn't say anything because I was the only virgin. Even my friends gave me a look like "Are you really a virgin?". Maybe it was because I hadn't mentioned it before. I usually try not to mention it because I know that this situation usually occurs. Most of the time, I don't say anything and people will assume that I'm not a virgin just because of the way I act. Now, I could never understand why people think this. I can't really see it. Anyway, back to what I felt. The comment had stuck with me for some time. I'm still thinking about it as I write this. It really hurt and still does. To add to it all, I had sort of a "support group" when it came to sex and other things. A couple of my friends were in the same situation that I was in (situation meaning that their partner didn't want to have sex but they did). We would talk about it every now and then but last week the two people that I talk to about it had sex with their partner and of course I was happy for them. I didn't want it to seem like I was... I'm not sure of the word I would use here. Betrayed? I feel like that word is too strong because they are still my friends and I have nothing against them. Left out, maybe? I'm not sure. Whatever, it doesn't matter. Anyway, I asked them how it was and they said it hurt (being that these two friends are girls) but that it got better each time. I didn't need to know that but they wanted to tell so I didn't say anything. After they told me this they asked if I had done anything and I said no. I felt as if they were giving me the same look that my friends gave me like "why haven't you?". Even when I explain it, they still don't seem to understand. This all affected my day on Friday. In class I was daydreaming more than I ever had, I didn't really care about what we were learning and when I was called on I didn't know any of the answers. Then the situation happened with my friends so that really put me down. I wondered if, my friends back home were going through anything like I experienced. I never thought that it would play out this way. I always envisioned something else but I guess I have to adapt to change, right? Adaptation...a sort of survival of the fittest mental state or evolving in response to change.
I wonder if I'm the last one in my group back home. Am I the last? I couldn't imagine myself being the last. I guess this "am I the last" mentality comes from guys. With guys it's always who can get it first. That goes for anything. Electronics, cars, toys, games, anything. Who has the biggest tv? Who has the best surround system? Who can get it first? I don't mean for that to be my mentality. It's slowly changing now, well at least I hope it is. Maybe it will change for the better but that may just be who I am. I've liked it since the day I heard about it. It's been in me for so long and I love every aspect of it. But I had to change, at least that part of me. Survival of the fittest, if I wasn't about to change then there would be no us.
Alright time to get off that topic. I'm rambling now.
Later in the evening, I went to a muay thai and boxing fight. This of course, made me feel a lot better. I was with people from my martial arts school and I love fighting. I have to say, even though I get hit in the face, stomach or my legs, I love every minute of fighting. We (my school) had two people fighting. One was boxing and the other was muay thai. The boxer lost but the muay thai fighter won. This was extremely good for us because he won a national title so it was a big deal. I'm not sure if he is looking to go into MMA but I know that he trains in it and I believe he has many sponsors and companies looking at him. I'm sure that he will do a lot in the future.
